A Heart for the Least of These

 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, 

and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory.

All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people 

one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats...

Then the king will say to those at his right hand, 

'Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you...'

Then he will say to those at his left hand,

'You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil...

for I was hungry and you gave me no food,

I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,

I was a stranger and you did not welcome me,

naked and you did not give me clothing,

sick and in prison and you did not visit me.'

Then they also will answer, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you 

hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison,

and did not take care of you?'

Then he will answer them,

'Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it 

to one of the least of these,  you did not do it to me.'

And these will go away into eternal punishment, 

but the righteous into eternal life."

-  from Matthew 25, NRSV

    While I was away on my silent retreat, I had time to pray, read, reflect, and listen. I listened to my own questions and wondered what God thought about them. (Does God think I ask too many questions, as some people accuse me of doing?) Were they appropriate? Was I even worthy to ask these questions of my Heavenly Father? Were they timely? Were they my questions to be asked or did they belong to someone else's path to walk and not my own? Were they humble or prideful? Would God actually answer my questions during my days away? 

The answer to the last question is "Yes." God did answer my prayers, my questions. I didn't hear God speak to me in words or in visions, like the mystics such as St. Teresa of Calcutta or St. Faustina. But I went to a Franciscan friar, a former pastor,  for spiritual direction and came away with confirmation in what and where my path is that lies before me.

I am letting go of my spiritual direction ministry in order to devote more of my heart, mind, and time to an organization that I cofounded and direct - Catholics for Abolition in North Carolina. For almost a year and a half, I've given countless hours to getting this anti-death penalty (or pro-culture of life) grassroots organization up and running. It's been a labor of love! As I was told in spiritual direction during my retreat, this work is my call. That's what makes an opportunity a calling - when one cannot not say "Yes!" And especially when it comes unexpectedly. I guess I did indeed receive a Call. 

This blog has been about prayer and about what I've learned along my spiritual path and its content has also been inspired by the journeys of those I've accompanied as a spiritual director. But even as I leave this ministry, I am still a spiritual director at heart, I guess you could say. I intend to keep writing and posting here - probably more often than I have in the last year - as I will have a bit more time to devote to it. And the purpose for my writing will remain the same: Simply Making God a Part of your Everyday Life.

If you found my blog several years ago or in July 2023, I hope you will stay with me as its focus shifts - but only slightly. With God's grace, its focus will be how to live out the Gospel message, of loving God, while serving my neighbor - in prison and on death row - with the "least of these" so often forgotten. 

Lord, Jesus, help me to be one of your sheep and not a goat.

Show me how to let your rod and your staff lead me. 

Light my path with your grace and give me the love I need so 

I can serve You in the "least of these,"

your children and my neighbors.

Amen.

💙

A Heart More Open

 "But my people would not listen to me...

So, I let them go their stubborn ways and do whatever they wanted.

How I wish my people would listen to me…

I would feed you with the finest wheat 

and satisfy you with wild honey.”

From Psalm 81 – The Good News Bible

    It’s an early summer evening, and I’m not terribly far from home; however, I am very far from my at-home responsibilities, those perceived must-do-now items, and the distractions that keep me from listening to something other than the noise in my own head. I am away on a silent retreat for five glorious days.

As I type this posting, I am sitting at a simple, four-post-legged oak desk in a beautiful room with a large picture window before me. I look into the woods that start about 20 feet from my window, and there is a perfect version of a threshold before me, between what appears to be a maple and tall holly and has a number of dogwoods peeking out and around. I can type and gaze out the window at the same time, all thanks to those required typing classes from more years ago than I want to count. No matter how often I see the woods, I’m delighted by the various textures of the tree trunks – some with moss, most without – the scars of long-lost branches, and the ones that lean while others clump together as if from the same seed, the gentle bend of the younger trees while all support a glorious patina of every kind of summer green in this part of North Carolina. As I gaze out and into the natural openings, I see the ground slope downward slightly while the shades of green deepen, and farther into the woods, the leaves blend together into canopies. I feel like I’m glimpsing the beginning of eternity. 

What an awesome God we have! The God who created this magnificence formed each leaf, and while He was at it, counted every hair on my head. All that God has done for me… 

And yet, I don’t spend enough time listening to God, being just with God, seeking only God. 

Jesus told us we could call God “our Father.” With my earthly father, would I ignore him if we were in the same room together? Would I only talk to him when I needed to ask him a favor? Would I only listen to him “when I asked for his advice”? How would that make my father feel?

But I am given a Heavenly Father who loves me beyond all telling, who loved me into being, and who provides me with each breath and every beat of my heart. So, I am here at this pastoral retreat center in order to appreciate Him again, to show God my love for Him by being still – and listening. I want to rest in His love this week. I want to pay more attention to the little ways that He shows me He loves me – I want to experience His surprises when I’m not distracted by the “next thing.” For God does surprise me every day. Today, I challenge you, as I challenge myself, look for the small and big ways that God tells you he loves you. 

I’m here, Lord. My heart is waiting!

💙

 

 

A Heart for the Waiting

    As we wait in Advent's Hope-filled Peace for the coming of the Christ Child, let us not forget how our Lord waits for us... 

Who is this who waits
With arms extended
And wide open hands?
It is Christ, Our Lord.
For ages and ages,
He has been waiting here,
Generations have passed,
He has not folded His wings
Or closed His eyes.
For whom does He wait,
for whom the invitation,
for whom the inexhaustible patience
of infinite love?
It is for one,
who comes slowly,
hesitating, afraid,
trusting more to chance,
to perishable things
and the frailties of men,
than to the everlasting arms.
It is for me,
that for two thousand years,
Love has waited here,
with wide wings spread.
It is for me,
the courtesy
that will not be made importunate,
will not constrain my love
or force the suit.
It is for me,
the silence of the word
wherein the beating heart
alone is audible.
It is for me that God awaits,
with open hands,
a beggar at the locked gates
of my soul.
It is for one who doubts,
mistrusts and fears,
who sees the tears
upon the human face of God,
through her own tears,
and is not moved.
Of all the world
un-worthiest to be loved,
driven at last
from self-inflicted harms,
Reluctantly,
to the Eternal Arms.

—Caryll Houselander

Advent blessings, Friends.

💙

A Wake-Up Call to the Heart

     Hello... I came across this poem today. It arrived in my email inbox attached to a weekly newsletter from Joan Chittister, OSB. Its simplicity and wisdom seemed to wake me from my noontime slump. I share it with you here. It is a poem by Alden Solovy, a Jewish liturgist, poet, and teacher that now lives in Jerusalem.

Bees

The bees
do not stop
collecting pollen
when humans
murder each other
with guns.
The bees think:
How strange,
how low
on the evolutionary scale
must those humans be,
that they haven't yet
figured out
how to make honey
or peace.

Go into our remarkable world, filled with the generous and the good as well as the lonely and seeking, to join the bees - making life sweeter for those who need our support and kindness... Offer peace by your very presence. 

Do so in the Name of the One who emptied Himself for the love He has for each one of us. Amen.  

💙

What It Means - Having a Prayerful Heart

     I have found that for many years I've been drawn to the writings of authors with OSB following their names - Benedictine monks and nuns. However, never so much as in the past five months since preparing myself to become a Benedictine Oblate! One of the most beautiful books on prayer that I've ever read (and as a spiritual director, I've read a few) was written by Joan Chittister, OSB entitled Breath of the Soul: Reflections on Prayer. Below is an excerpt from this good book that may lay to rest some of your fears that you're not praying "right" or if you're asking yourself, "How is my prayer helping me to grow closer to God?" Some fears can be assuaged by knowing, without a doubt, that it is the Holy Spirit that calls us to pray and by just giving in to this urge to spend time with God, we are praying the right way. And I'll let Sr. Joan, an authority, speak to any of your other concerns and desire to have a prayerful heart:

Many of the prayers we say have been passed down to us for generations. The psalms, for instance, mark the cry of the human spirit across time. The Scriptures speak of peoples and prayers over 20 centuries before us. Prayers such as these in every culture carry the wisdom of the past to enlighten the insights of the present.

These prayers are venerable, a history of the unchanging human spirit. But they do not guarantee that those who say them will ever be really "prayerful" people they tell us only that people pray.

Prayerfulness on the other hand is the capacity to walk in touch with God through everything in life. It is the internal awareness that God is with me - now, here, in this, always. It is an awareness of the continuing presence of God. It is my dialogue with the living God who inhabits my world in Spirit and in Mind. 

Prayerfulness sees God everywhere.

Prayerfulness talks to God everywhere.

Prayerfulness submits the uncertainties of the moment to the scrutiny of the internal eye of God. It trusts that no matter how malevolent the situation may be, I can walk through it unharmed because God is with me. 

Prayerfulness is both gift and grace, both a natural disposition and a quality of soul to be developed. But what develops it?

Prayerfulness is fostered by the simple consciousness that God is. That God is near us at all times. That God is closer to us than the breath we breathe. That God is available, a silence in the midst of chaos, a voice in the midst of confusion, a promise at the center of the tumult.

If I ask and I listen and I reach out and I fill my heart with the words of the One who is the Word, then I will be answered. Somehow the path will become clear. 

So take some time to be with God today. It will refresh your soul; it will relax your mind and lighten today's load. It will deepen the only completely loving and true relationship you will ever have this side of the grave. A prayerful heart is a grateful one. May the Peace of Christ be with you today. 

💙

 

 

 

 

 

The Heart of a Beginner

 "Are you hastening toward your heavenly home?

Then with Christ's help, 

keep this little rule that we have written for beginners.

After that, you can set out for the loftier summits

of the teaching and virtues, we mentioned above, and

under God's protection you will reach them. Amen."

Rule of St. Benedict (73. 8-9)

    So, I am beginning this entry with the last paragraph of St. Benedict's Rule.  Because that is where I am today, about to venture into the life of a Benedictine Oblate. A beginner, Benedict points out to his monks, is all we are and all we may ever be. The "loftier summits," which include being virtuous, can only begin to be reached under God's loving protection of each of us. But oh, how God wants us to fly under "the shadow of His wings"! (Psalm 17:8)

Today, on the Feast of the Chair of St. Peter, I will meet with my new community of 11 for the first time, as we take this journey together in offering ourselves to Christ and neighbor in a new way.  Frankly, I am not 100% sure of what I'm getting myself into, but that's what the next two years are all about.  Prayer, study, discernment, promise or not...  I just know that there's been a nudging of the Spirit that I felt inclined to run toward. Hastening, if you will. 😊

Benedict wrote, "Are you hastening toward your heavenly home?" Such a question for us to ask ourselves during 2022, when this question was first posed in 516! According to biographers at the time that St. Benedict lived, he was so disgusted by the way of the world back then that he left behind all that he would receive as his father's heir in order to receive an infinitely larger inheritance from his Heavenly Father.  And Benedict's offspring, if you will, continues to grow - even as the world now seems about as corrupt as one can dare to imagine. I am praying to find the inspiration to become part of his legacy, his offspring...

So, I ask again, "Are we hastening toward our heavenly home?" Are we running toward Love or just away from hate?  Do we blame God for what life creates for us to endure, or do we turn to God to be our "fortress and deliverer"?  Do we really understand that everlasting deliverance is always and continually our option to choose? Is God made in our flawed and mortal image, or do we seek out the Infinite Holy One?

Today the Church recognizes and celebrates the occasion when Jesus gave Peter the keys to the Kingdom of heaven and made him the Rock "upon which I build my church." (Peter who is about as human as we get!)  This reading from the Gospel of Matthew 16: 13-19, not only shows Peter's deep faith in Jesus being the Lord, but it also shows to me the trust that Jesus puts in his friend Peter. 

With the help of the Holy Spirit, Peter goes on to lead a Church that will never succumb to "the gates of the netherworld." With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can ask for the grace to know our God more intimately now - and to hasten us to eternal life in our heavenly home!  

Pray for us new Benedictine Oblate candidates, as we will pray for our hurting world.             

💙

Listening with the Ears of my Heart

 Listen carefully, my son, to the master’s instructions,

and attend to them with the ear of your heart.

This is advice from a father who loves you;

welcome it, and faithfully put it into practice...

                                    - Prologue, The Rule of St. Benedict (1) 

          Thus begins the The Rule of St. Benedict followed by monks and religious since it was written in the 5^th Century.  The father referred to in the opening lines of the Prologue is the Holy Father Benedict who took it upon his heart and his very soul to lead those within his monastery walls to a life living for Christ – putting love for Christ “before all else.”

In the past two years, I have been searching for a path that would bring me closer to Christ. I wanted to give my life more fully to Him and for Him. (Less of me, more of Him.) I studied with the lay Dominicans (Order of Preachers) for a while – such kind people to allow me in to discern if the way of St. Dominic was a good fit for me. I found after six months and daily prayer that it was not where I felt called to be. Yet I still longed for community – above and beyond the community of believers that I am blessed to have in my life and in my parish.

A week before Thanksgiving in 2021, I found myself between books – an oddity – and found one on a bookshelf at home that had been around a very long time, but I hadn’t read. It actually seemed to call out to me, so I pulled Wisdom Distilled from the Daily, by Joan Chittister, off the shelf and settled on the sofa, seeking good spiritual reading from a woman who is a well-known author and sought out for her deep spirituality – living her life as a Benedictine nun, theologian, and peacemaker.

Once I began reading, I couldn’t put it down – yet I wanted to savor every word and make it last. By the time I finished, the day before Thanksgiving, I went online to find out more about Monasteries of the Heart – an online community for those wanting to grow in a monastic  spirituality by living a more deliberate life.  I read and clicked and read and clicked and went further out into the ether's web of sites.  But yet I wasn’t feeling satisfied that I’d found what I was looking for... And at the same time, I didn’t even know what I was looking for! It felt like I was on a search that Someone else was directing.

I was led to the webpage for the Benedictine Sisters of Erie and remembered that the Benedictines also had a community for lay people, known as Oblates.  I read about the monastery’s Oblate Way of Life and thought, “Do I dare?”  The more I pondered the idea, the more drawn in I felt. Then I remembered it was the day before Thanksgiving. Should I call the number listed? Surely no one will answer today.  But I called anyway, and I left a message that I can only describe as “hungry.” I received a call back within the hour.

When I answered the call that came up as Erie, PA, a wonderful oblate of many years, working at the monastery that day, said “Nancy?” – and from that moment, I began to hope that my life would be forever changed!

S-l-o-w-l-y fast forward to January 25, 2022, I received an email telling me that my application had been reviewed and that a Zoom meet-up for introductions would take place on the 31^st – getting closer to my journey finally beginning. So if you’re a friend reading this blog or maybe someone who loves praying for others, pray for me and my newly forming small community, as we meet together on Tuesday afternoons. We eleven “candidates” will spend a year in study together, while forming "community," and a second year of further study and discernment as “initiates” before making a final commitment to the Oblate Way of Life and to the particular monastery with whom I have studied. I am looking forward to writing about my experiences over the next two years.  I hope you are well, safe, and happy. 💙 

I wish you Christ’s Peace.

☩

Never swerving from his instructions, then, but faithfully

observing his teaching in the monastery until death,

we shall through patience share

in the sufferings of Christ

that we may deserve also to share

in his kingdom. Amen.

                                                - Prologue, The Rule of St. Benedict (50)

 

 

 

The Heart of a Holy Man

Happy Feast Day of St. Ignatius Loyola! 

On this day every year, I celebrate how God changed my life through the fruitful work of the Spirit as given to this great saint. In 2021, it has been 500 years since the beginning of Ignatius's full conversion to Christ and thereafter the consecration of his life to its true purpose.

The event that led to Ignatius's metanoia was one that could turn others away from God: He was struck by a cannonball while defending Pamplona, Spain from the French armies. His leg was completely shattered and had become almost useless. More significant to the one-time prideful soldier, however, was his concern that he would no longer be attractive to the ladies of the court.  He underwent multiple surgeries and manual resetting of his leg bones - all during a time when there was no anesthesia.  

What have you done in the name of Pride? How did it turn out for you in the end?

While Ignatius was convalescing at the home of his aunt and uncle, he lacked for his usual entertainment - the popular novels of the day, filled with stories of lusty romance and courtly life.  Instead all that was available to read was The Life of Christ and a book on the lives of the saints.  

Do you ever notice what you choose for entertainment - the types of books you read, the movies you watch? How do you feel after you read these books or watch your choice in films? Do you feel uplifted? Or are you left disturbed?

Ignatius began to notice that after he read about holy men and women, including the life of Jesus, he was filled with a sense of  real happiness and peace. Whereas the novels he used to read would leave him feeling empty and at a loss. He imagined himself as some of these saints and began to long to become like St. Francis of Assisi and St. Dominic - leading a life in service to God and others. He soon after had a mystical vision that completely turned his heart to Christ and led to abandoning his formally immoral lifestyle.

Have you ever experienced a period of time or even a moment when you suddenly knew you could "do better"? What did you do with that inspiration? Did you ignore it? Did you ask God about it?

Ignatius recovers but will always walk with a limp; however, he is moved to embark on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Along the way he gives away his money and his expensive clothing and begins to wear sackcloth and begs for his food. It is on this journey that he remains for many months in solitude, prayer, and silence while he begins to write his Spiritual Exercises. 

Have you ever considered making a big change in order to grow closer to God? Were you afraid that God would ask you to do something or give up more than you are capable? Did this fear stop you before you even began?

Not everyone will be declared a saint by the Church, but we are all born in the image and likeness of God. Therefore, we are profoundly capable of achieving the work that God wants us to accomplish for the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. If you're not sure how to get started, you can start like St. Ignatius Loyola - make small changes at first and allow God to work through those efforts. Open your heart to the Creator, the Christ, and the Holy Spirit in a new way and don't be afraid that "too much" will be asked of you. You will find yourself living with more fullness (and even joy) than you could ever have imagined. I share one of my favorite quotes of St. Ignatius Loyola, "Whatever you are doing, that which makes you feel the most alive... that is where God is." 

May you be blessed in your efforts to find your gifts and embark on your own true purpose!

💙

Inscribed Upon our Hearts

     "You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all; and you show that you are a letter of Christ, prepared by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

    Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of letter but of spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." (2 Cor 3: 2-6)

    The title of this posting comes from an old hymn that I read in the breviary today, and the line "inscribed upon our hearts" really touched me. It reminded me of the Book of Isaiah relaying to me how my name has been written in the palms of God's Hands.  What an image of God's personal and intimate love for me, for each of God's children! 

So I couldn't stop there and went looking through Paul's epistles to find where he wrote of how we can inscribe God onto our hearts - and found the above letter to the church in Corinth. Paul's message is remarkably written - full of promise, filled with hope, in Christ. He reminds us that Jesus became incarnate to bring a new covenant and a new way to look at the laws.  We are called to go beyond the laws of Moses written in stone - unafraid to see beyond the veil because of and only with Christ. 

Paul points out that we can do nothing without the Spirit of God guiding us forward in our call to be His. It is only through God's mercy that we are able to live out our purpose. God fills in the gaps of our humanity with this mercy.  God puts us in right order. And as we become one with the Holy One - we are, and even become for others, the image and likeness of God.

We may struggle with temptation and even fall into sin at times, but as Paul writes, we are "being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit." (2 Cor 3: 18) In Christ, we are reconciled to God. There is our hope! So we persevere in our prayer life; we go deeper in our relationship with Christ; we search for the person God created us to be and then BE it!  Strive daily to live as if our Lord's love and teachings are already inscribed upon your very heart.

Help us, O Lord, to learn
the truths thy word imparts:
to study that thy laws may be
inscribed upon our hearts.

Help us, O Lord, to live
the faith which we proclaim,
that all our thoughts and words and deeds
may glorify thy name.

Help us, O Lord, to teach
the beauty of thy ways,
that yearning souls may find the Christ,
and sing aloud his praise.

William Watkins Reid (1959)

💙

Giving my Heart to God in a New Way

    It has been such a long time since I last posted on this blog, and my excuses are many.  But like all excuses, none of them count like one good reason (or two).  

I believe I resemble many people during COVID - finding myself in shock at first and then not engaging fully in life for a while, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and also letting a lot of "things" go (cleaning my house regularly was one of those things).  In 2020, I also had yet another run-in with cancer that set me back for a good five months during COVID time as well.  But my main reason for not posting is because I wanted my views on the death penalty and the sin of racism to be front and center on my blog site.  And I'm glad that those who have been newly introduced to my blog wrote to let me know their feelings about these two postings...

However I've been feeling the pull to return to writing, as life has begun to pull me back into it: Completing my COVID vaccinations while my little corner of the world reopened. One thing that I did not "let go" during the last year and a half though was my prayer life.  So I write today to tell you about an ancient and wonderful form of prayer that recently came into my life - The Liturgy of the Hours (LOTH).

As a beginner, I cannot give instructions, helpful hints, or ways to make following the breviary easier for any layperson; that is exactly what this posting is NOT.  😊  I can barely make it through Morning (Lauds), Midday (Sext), Evening (Vespers) and Night Prayer (Compline) myself - and not at all in the length of time that the seasoned prayers of the LOTH claim it takes for them to read and chant these beautiful psalms and canticles.  But I made sure that I was firm in my decision to these prayer times before making the monetary commitment to the four volumes. 

All that I needed was to find and recite the prayers for the 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time, and I was convinced that I would take the plunge into this devotion with heart, soul, and resolve! The length of the psalms and the readings and responses were not seen as daunting but an opportunity for me to dive deeper into time spent with the Blessed Trinity, knowing I was praying with and in Him who lovingly gave us the Holy Spirit who prompts us to pray.  I discovered more about what it means to "pray without ceasing," (1 Thessalonians: 16-18) as the LOTH invites us to pray seven times a day. If I just pray the "Hours" three to four times a day, it gives me a strong sense of hemming in my spiritual life with small opportunities for grace sewn into the fabric of my day. By devoutly reading the Psalms, we all learn how we can turn to God about everything in our lives - or in other words, praying without ceasing.

I also love knowing that I am praying with "the communion of saints" around the globe.  Over the course of 24 hours, there are millions of faithful people singing or praying the same hymns, the same Psalms, the same intercessions that I am praying.  We are united in our purpose in praise, in furthering the Kingdom of God, and in knowing our Lord more fully.

Lastly, for me, I love know I am praying the words that Christ spoke Himself while on earth.  Lest we forget, the 150 Psalms are the prayers of our Jewish brothers and sisters (who prayed multiple times a day long before Christians), and Jesus would have recited these same prayers and loved them too.  He came to fulfill the words of the prophets and the Psalms.  Jesus was so familiar with the Psalms that he spoke from them, even while dying on the cross.  Knowing how the Liturgy of the Hours gives me an opportunity to pray the same words as the Lord prayed adds Truth and Light to my life.  

Therefore, I will persevere with this oft confusing and sometimes downright baffling way to navigate through the breviaries until I am good at it, because the reward of the Liturgy of the Hours is already so consoling.  My hope is that your relationship with God has blossomed over the many months of COVID.  The complete slowing of our lives along with the whole world has been the perfect time to reevaluate what is important in this life and life eternal. If you avoided, barely missed, or survived the pandemic, I hope you'll see that now is a good time to give your heart to God in a new way.  

💙

    

The Heart of Mercy

 "When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them,

'Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.'

When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders... 

Jesus said to her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 

She said, 'No one sir.' And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. 

Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.'"

- John 8: 7-11

        Today, August 26, 2020, there will be another execution carried out by the federal government.  I don't like to be political in my blog, because it's not the heart of what these postings are about.  The heart of this political posting, however, has to do with the Heart of Jesus.

In the passage from the Gospel of John that is included above, Jesus so clearly demonstrates his earlier statements that He came not to condemn the world but to save it.  And each one of us is the world for which He came to save. (John 3:17)  

When I was a child and heard this story of the adulterous woman read in church on Sunday morning, I thought, "It's so mean to throw rocks at someone!" - as I pictured the small stones that mischievous children would throw for entertainment or sometimes for destructive reasons.  How naive I was, in my childhood innocence!  These rocks were, in fact, huge stones that would be thrown by a group of people at the accused person until that person slowly died of blunt force trauma.  A barbaric and gruesome act of capital punishment - and behavior that obviously was displeasing to our Lord Jesus.  

A year ago this month, I said yes to a nudging by the Holy Spirit to become a pen pal to a man on death row in NC.  My life has not been the same since then.  My earlier conviction that the death penalty is inherently wrong (and another evil we seem to celebrate in this country) became not just political - it became personal!  My pen pal has slowly become my friend, and I could no longer just sit back and oppose the death penalty in theory, I had to take action.  My friendship with this young man has been a two-way blessing.  He assures me of how much he values my letters that share day-to-day activities, while we both write stories from our lives, and about books we have read and enjoyed.  We write about our favorite basketball teams, local and national news, and TV shows.  He calls me and we enjoy 15 minutes of chatting and laughing, listening and consoling. And I have come to learn about the very young person who was condemned to die and the man he is today who shows compassion and remorse, thoughtfulness and friendship.  He is so much more than the worst things that he has ever done.  We are first and foremost children of God - broken and wounded by life.  We are all worthy of God's redemption.

If we think that today's execution of a man has no affect on you or on this country, I challenge you to educate yourself, before moving on to something less troubling to read today. There are numerous books where one can learn about the toll that this cold-blooded act has on the defense attorneys, the correctional officers, the "death teams," and the prison wardens and administrative staff.  The families and friends of those being killed by the state are deeply impacted; when their loved one was sentenced to death row, so were they.  And what may be the most surprising - not all victims' families want to see the offender killed.  Thinking that's true is a myth that some people want us to believe.  Organizations and non-profits have been formed by multiple victims' families to help in abolishing the death penalty!

I hope you will choose to learn more about this emotional and controversial political, social, and spiritual problem. Here's a short list of books, from so many written, that I can attest to for educating yourself on this issue:

Lethal State: A History of the Death Penalty in North Carolina

The Death of Innocents: The Eyewitness Account of Wrongful Executions

Executing Grace: How the Death Penalty Killed Jesus and Why It’s Killing Us

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption

Dead Man Walking

The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row

Death Row: The Final Minutes

Where Justice and Mercy Meet

Crimson Letters: Voices from Death Row

Here also are websites where you can literally spend hours reading and learning - and, hopefully, taking action:

www.deathpenaltyinfo.org

www.ncadp.org

www.deathpenaltyaction.org

www.witnesstoinnocence.org

www.eji.org

www.catholicsmobilizing.org

www.aclu.org

I ask you to spend some time today in prayer for the victims, the family and friends of the victims, and those of the condemned. Pray too for the federal officers, the warden, the condemned's fellow death row inmates, and for Lezmond Mitchell himself, as he is put to death...  And then ask yourself if you feel safer because this man died today.  

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Breathing into our True Hearts

       It has been a number of weeks since I have written, and I found myself waiting for Pentecost to begin posting again.  And then before Pentecost Sunday arrived the heart of our nation was ripped open and all the grief, anger, frustration, and pain came pouring out for the life of George Floyd so senselessly, and yet, purposely taken.

The words, “I can’t breathe,” said (yet again) in a pleading murmur tears at my heart so badly that I can barely think about them.  How much of one’s humanity, moral compass, and sense of decency have to have been shut off, before a person can ignore such a plea? 

God breathed life into the first human being and loved him so much that God provided him a mate and then gave to them both all this glorious natural creation for them (and for us) to enjoy.  Scripture says it wasn’t until God breathed into the nostrils of the first human that he “became a living being.”  And, as you know, the story goes downhill from there.  Christianity teaches of the original sin of the first man and woman, when they disobeyed God’s request.  And humanity continues to disobey God’s natural law of love and gratitude.

In the same way that our Creator breathed life into us, Christ breathed the Holy Spirit into the disciples, according to John 20: 19-23.   After His resurrection, he appeared before them, wishing them His Peace. Then He “breathed on them and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’”  I find it sorrowfully ironic that breath is so important to each of the Three Persons of the Trinity, and yet humanity has made so light of it, taken it away as easily as appearing to comfortably kneel upon a helpless man’s windpipe with one’s hands in one’s pockets.

How long before this nation wakes up to its own “original sin” of creating a system of white supremacy and giving birth to all the ugliest parts of racism?  How can any nation truly be peaceful when it has been founded by the conquering and attempted annihilation of native people?  How can there be justice when the land of a nation was stolen right out from under the indigenous people who lived here for more than 10,000 years before they arrived?  How can a nation be considered great and powerful when most of its very foundation was built by human souls that were kidnapped and forced to be enslaved for centuries?  How can there be equality, when these same people remain enslaved by a system that is weighted in such a way that only those who have the most power keep the most power? 

When can the breath of living Black men and women, before and after the murder of George Floyd, be inhaled freely – without the raggedness of fear and without the shallowness of dread?  Has our nation at last reached its tipping point?  Can injustice finally topple and break open so that everyone can clearly see that reform needs to start at the top and not stop until it puddles around the realities of slavery, lynching, Jim Crow, stop-and-frisk, three-strikes laws, disproportionate incarceration of people of color, and police brutality?  When will these things become ugly memories?

During this time of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was looking forward to the joy of Pentecost.  It’s a time in the church year that I especially enjoy.  This year, 2020, has been all about breathing – the struggle for breath that those sick with coronavirus experience.  The need for some to be on ventilators so that their bodies can still take in much needed air.  And now, there’s one more breath to consider in 2020:  The breath being torturously snatched from a helpless George Floyd, as he lies on the dirty pavement, at the mercy of merciless men.

Breath – it’s how we began life.  May we each – and as a nation – come to know the breath of the Holy Spirit, as it cleanses and renews, as it keeps us alive and makes us holy.  God bless you and keep you safe from all harm.

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A Heart that Waits and Learns

       It is Holy Saturday, and as we anxiously await the rolling away of the stone, discovering Jesus in the garden, finding Him watching for us on the shore - and waiting for this pandemic to be subdued and controlled - I am reminded that this time is ripe for getting to know better my God and my Self. 

There are poems and prayers circulating about this time of pandemic, and each one that I've been sent (or sent myself) speak to opportunities during this time of waiting: Getting to know our families more; discovering talents that we didn't know we had; spending time just "being."  In actuality, all have to do with ultimately becoming the person that we were created to be.  

But I challenge us not to go about trying to create ourselves into these more grateful, evolved beings but instead learning to allow God to show us our authentic selves, the unique individuals that God created us to become. Our true self is already within each of us; we are authentically and beautifully created, while still in our mothers' wombs.  We have been knit together by a Loving Creator.

I asked myself this week: What am I doing for Christ during this pandemic?  I have been feeling stymied by the suspension of what I was doing before we began self-isolating.  Opportunities to continue volunteering outside my home have all but ceased, but other occasions for loving my neighbor have increased or been discovered... not to mention more time for prayer: The money I'm saving on gas alone can go to local food pantries that are feeding even more people now; I have more time to read about the causes that I am involved in or in which I want to become involved so that I'm better educated and better prepared to take action someday soon; I have more time to connect with friends in the same town or across the country; I can send more letters and cards to my friend on death row to help keep up his spirits while there are no visitations permitted; I can spend more time praying for others and the countless needs of those around the world; I can meet with people from my church more easily, because we're now just a click away and not 50 minutes apart; I can fall in love with my spouse again; talk to my cat more and watch her lovingly respond to the extra attention; I can literally watch God recreating the world, as each day the leaves are bigger and greener and the irises go from dormant to full bloom!  My list could go on and on, and I'm sure your list of callings and blessings could do the same.

As we excitedly await speaking "Alleluia! He is Risen!" let's remember that we are not just in a holding pattern during COVID-19.  Each of us has more time and more quiet to find within ourselves the person that each was born to become.  And we have more time to do so as we put on Christ during these holiest of days.  Let our Lord teach you about yourself. Be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit - no matter how small you think the nudge may be. Allow the Creator to show you the Unconditional Love in which you were born.  Watch for the glory of the empty tomb. Await His calling you by name - and, importantly, prepare yourself to answer.

Happy Easter to friends and family!  Blessings and all Good be to you and to those you love. 

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A Heart that will Listen to You

       It is Noon on the second Sunday that all churches in our area are closed for worship.  I hope that most, if not all, of you have found either that your church offers a "virtual worship service" or that you have found another church that offers you the Word (online) on Sunday mornings.

Everyone who knows me personally, or reads this blog, knows that I am a spiritual director.  I do presently meet with directees online - via Skype or Zoom.  At this stressful time, I want to offer one free 30-minute session of spiritual direction to anyone who feels isolated from family, friends, or from God or to anyone who has been curious about spiritual direction (what is it? why do I want it? what will I "get" from it?).  My contact information may be found at the bottom of this screen.  If you choose for us to continue to meet together, I offer a sliding-scale fee.  I will never turn away anyone because of lack of funds.

Friends, please pass on this offer to anyone that you think may want or is looking for a heart that will listen to them.  Or better yet, take the time to reach out yourself.  We are all called, at this time especially, to be Christ to one another. 

Stay well, and abide in His Peace.  

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A Non-Judgmental Heart

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged;

do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.

Forgive, and you will be forgiven;

give, and it will be given to you.

A good measure, pressed down, shaken together,

running over, will be put into your lap;

for the measure you give is the measure you will get back."

Luke 6: 36 -38

     Now that we are well into the 40 days of Lent, many of us have given up something that we usually enjoy or indulge in.  If we give up chocolate, are we secretly wanting to lose weight?  (If so, have you noticed it never works?☺) Rather than giving up something we pamper ourselves with or feel we are entitled to, perhaps our Lord is asking us to dig deeper and give up something that usually is neither enjoyable nor to our liking. 

For example, a group of us, who meet annually for Lenten meals and prayer once a week, have chosen to give up something that is keeping us separated from the love of God and from loving our neighbor.  In the Gospel reading for Monday, March 9, 2020, Jesus continues his instructions for his followers on how to live the Good News.  The sixth chapter of Luke is full of important events and teachings: Jesus chooses his 12 and also gives his lesson known as the Beatitudes. Jesus goes on to compare the works of the good with the selfishness of the wicked, and then we're brought to today's Gospel.  We hear about one quality we can choose to put on for Lent and one characteristic that we can give up. 

Christ tells his followers to be like their Heavenly Father, the One He has been describing to his listeners. And one of the ways to be like our Creator is to be merciful. Mercy is defined as leniency and compassion.  Another way to see mercy is the ability to remain free of judgment and instead be forgiving, when someone has harmed you.  Being non-judgmental keeps us merciful, because we have to look beyond the surface action or just the words we hear.  We must not condemn people, but instead we can be more understanding.  

This command from Christ is one of the hardest instructions to follow, but without at least trying to master it, there is no way that we can love our enemies and do good to those who hurt us, or even follow the Golden Rule.  Being judged, and being condemned, especially wrongly, is a mighty lesson in forgiveness.  But even here, Jesus lets us know that our efforts will not go unrewarded. Whatever mercy and forgiveness we are able to give, our Heavenly Parent will show us the same - and then even more so.  The love, compassion, and benevolence of our gracious God will be given to us till it overflows! 

So there is still time to do something for the sake of your spiritual life during this season of Lent.  In addition to giving up that indulgence, give up being narrow in your opinion of others; give up summing up someone before (or right after) you meet them; or give up condemning someone for their sin, because we are all sinners!  Instead, offer the benefit of the doubt, forgive instead of holding a grudge, or offer understanding instead of condemnation.  

Lent is a time for reflection on our relationship with God - and about what stands in the way of that connection.  We can give up something and make a sacrifice for Christ, but is that enough?  Will giving up going to the movies or drinking expensive coffee bring you closer to God?  Or will being more forgiving tear down barriers between you and God, between you and your neighbor?  It's your choice; choose from your heart.

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Refuge for Your Heart

      Good morning on a rainy, cold day when I'm blessed enough to be at home.  The Christmas lights around my house, in my windows, and on outdoor railings look peaceful and soothing - all is calm, all is bright.  Like millions of Christians around the world, I await the birth of the Christ Child with anticipation and even a little excitement, as if I was really going to go visit Mary and Joseph's newborn for the first time on December 25th!

This morning I read an article, The Christmas Story for Grownups, that I want to share with you, because it was so poignant to me.  The author discusses the Christmas story that is rarely told to children, and how St. Matthew's version of the birth of this Precious Child surrounds Him with anything but tranquility.  It's the story of Jesus's first moments and days on earth that even adults don't want to spend much time contemplating.  

Bryan Massingale, a professor of theological and social ethics, takes this version of Jesus's first days and compares them to our own time in history.  I encourage you to read The Real Christmas Story (the name by which it was published) and then read from the Gospel of Matthew.  In light of Fr. Bryan's article, you may find yourself reading these verses from Matthew with new eyes.  

Then I suggest that you and I spend time in prayer, after these two readings:  Ask God what we can learn from the gospel message. Go deeper - is there more than only the story of our Savior's birth?  We can imagine ourselves too in any of the scenes. Next ask the Christ Child for the grace to live this holy season with true compassion for those who dwell on the margins, including those who would welcome even a stable for their shelter tonight.

May we always remember that Jesus came to us at a time when the world was brutal and hurting.  May we continuously turn to Him for the true Peace.  Amen.

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A Heart Ready for Advent

       There is a prayer form that was created by Ignatius of Loyola that is still applicable and meaningful today - whether done in his traditional sense or through contemporary adaptations of the same four steps.  It is called The Examen.

Praying the Examen offers us 15 to 20 minutes to quietly recognize the Divine Presence and together, with God, look back over our day and reflect on how we lived it - where we found joy, when we were less than our best authentic selves, where we felt God's Presence, and how we can ready ourselves for the next day.  The Examen can be done twice a day - at Noon and at the end of our day.  So if you do the Examen twice in a day, you allow yourself time to ready yourself for the rest of that same day - maybe making up for the morning's moments that weren't your best, or perhaps continuing on in a particular manner that you know pleases our Lord.

You've read about James Martin, SJ on this Blog a number of times, so I want to offer you another opportunity to learn from this loving Jesuit and to pray the Examen during this Advent season.  When you click here, you will be taken to a website that actually has an Examen meditation set up for you, led by James Martin.  The most recent will be on the top of the screen; the meditation changes each Sunday and is used throughout the week that follows.  You can begin today, with his thoughtful words and encouragement, to ready your heart for the coming of the Christ Child this Christmas morning.

Please join me and countless other Christians in this simple, centuries-old prayer form.  Through it, you will give your heart to God each day in gratitude and praise.   

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A Heart with More to Give

     Today is the day after Thanksgiving, and forever more, I guess, is going to be known as Black Friday.  The name originates from different times in history, but it is now identified more in relation to retail stores working hard to be “in the black” or at a profit. Because, let’s face it, our culture revolves around what we can buy, what we can keep, and how we can attain what we want materially at the cheapest price.  We spent the day before, (hopefully) being thankful for who love us, those whom we love, and for what we have – compared to those who have less.

So what about those who have less?  Is it just about people whose home is smaller or whose car is less reliable and not as pretty?  Are those who have less the ones whose children have to share a bedroom with siblings? Or the children who don’t have a cellphone by the time they’re 10 years old or who don’t get a car when they turn 16?  Are these the ones that have less?  Or is there more to this having less?

Let’s look at this parable that Jesus told in Matthew 25:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick, or in prison, and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  

Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,  I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.’”

So who are the ones that Jesus, the King in this story, describes as the ones having less – “the least of these”?  They are the people who may have (only) the clothes on their backs, but maybe they do not have a warm coat for the winter.  They are the families with food, but food only enough for the children to eat that day, while their parents skip the day’s meals.  They are the people who have water to drink, but their water is from a polluted source.  They are the people who are sick or dying in a clean hospital, but they’re without someone to visit them or who are actually going to die alone.  They are the new people, the strangers, who moved into an apartment down the street, but they fled from another homeland and can’t speak their new country’s language yet and could never read or write.  Or they are the person in prison who knows nothing more than deep poverty of mind, body, and spirit, who maybe has no one to visit them, to pray for them, to write to them, or to help them change their lives.

Where do I fall in this story that Christ told his followers?  I find myself examining my life to see where I fit into the parable.  Am I someone who feeds the hungry or welcomes the stranger?  Is there more I can do to create a cleaner safer world so that everyone has a source for clean drinking water?  When do I visit the sick that are not my friends but people I don't know who bear their illnesses alone?  How can I help more the immigrant and the stranger to feel more at home?  How can I reflect Christ’s compassion for those in prison?  How can I really see injustice and do something about it?

I can continue to ask myself these questions and yet remain in my comfortable home doing only for those who are near and those who are dear to me.  I can pray for all of the least of these, but I can also give of myself, my time, my resources, and my love for God.  Because when I re-read this parable for the third time, I realized a most important sentence for me: “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.’”  Is this the only reason to do these good works – to stay out of the fires of hell?  Or do I choose to do them, because of my genuine love for Christ?  Do I want to please my Heavenly Parent, because God loves me so much?  Or do I want to do for others, because it makes me feel good about myself? 

So there are three things I need to consider:

1. Do I see the least of these as Jesus’s brothers and sisters – and therefore my own brothers and sisters?

2. Do I recognize my responsibility in seeking out and physically helping my sisters and brothers in Christ?

3. Do I give freely with a heart full of love – from a heart that has always more to give?

Maybe on this Black Friday, we can give the money we save, from stores’ lower prices, to a charity.  Maybe we can give the time we save from shopping online to a food pantry or a nursing home.  Maybe we can offer ourselves more to Jesus, our King, and ask Him where we can use our talents for those with less.  One thing that won’t be a “maybe” – if we pray and listen, our Lord will show us how to have a more giving heart.

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