Heart of a Pilgrim - Part II

       Buona Sera, or good afternoon/evening, as they say in Italy at this time of day.  I think the jet lag is beginning to give way to days of my usual energy and ability to stay awake past 9:00 at night! One good practice that came out of going to Italy - besides searching for and finding real Italian gelato at the local Harris Teeter grocery - is to walk every day again.  I had stopped running after chemo and walking had ceased being a pleasure any more.  But once you go to Tuscany and Umbria, you learn to walk cobblestone streets - that literally go up both ways - and I can feel that I am stronger than before we left the United States.  So walking has become part of my (almost) daily routine again.  

Sometimes I picture myself walking the holy ground that we hearty pilgrims walked during the trip, instead of the rolling hills where I live. I picture again standing for Mass in the Basilica of St. Francis, just feet away from his tomb.  We walked parts of the small monastery (built in 1224) on an island, off the City of Venice, where Francis spent 40 days in prayer after making a pilgrimage himself to the Holy Land.  I walked up and down the simple, narrow stairs that St. Clare and her order of nuns, the Poor Clares, walked every day of their cloistered lives and looked out the windows at the peaceful views that had to bring them closer to God.  We walked through the streets of Assisi to the Basilica of St. Clare where she is buried and where the Cross of San Damiano hangs.  I still have to pinch myself to be sure I was really there!  Sometimes I feel like getting on a plane to go back and see it all again, on my own, without a tour guide and without restrictions of time that great tours and well-laid plans require.  I'm glad to be home, but I want to go back.

I promised myself that I would journal every day on this trip.  I journaled just twice.  And then I only had enough energy to write where we'd gone and what we'd seen.  I never did write about what all of these sights and experiences meant to me, to my faith, and to my life.  It was a beautifully tiring whirlwind of awe-inspiring art, deeply spiritual places, and examples of profound love of the Trinity.  

I also promised myself to come home with a new attitude of even deeper gratitude for all my many blessings.  The most important being my gift of faith, and being able to get to know the saintly men and women of faith that devoted their lives to Christ and His teachings. They have set such keen examples!  And I want my life to be changed as theirs were changed: Toward a relationship with God that becomes palpable to me, that changes not only my actions but also my heart and my thoughts and my words.  As I write this, I see that this trip to Italy has done far more than show me some of the most beautiful sights I ever could hope to see.  Assisi, in particular, will live in my heart forever.  May it be so!  💙

The Heart of a Pilgrim - Part I

       I recently returned from a 12-day pilgrimage to Italy.  The time away focused on the life and spirituality of St. Francis of Assisi.  It feels like I've just begun processing what I saw and felt and experienced during that time.  I have much to unpack, even now, after my luggage is put away and my laundry is done.  

My trip to Italy was my first time out of the United States.  I was with 30+ other pilgrims, and so I was in a kind of insular bubble of translator, brilliant tour guides, and meals prepared by some of the finest restaurants.  But when I stepped out on my own, I found the Italian people to be kind, gracious, and more than willing to speak English when all I could say was “Buongiorgno, Scusami, Grazie, and Prego” in what was a decidedly American accent, I’m sure.

Our group traveled first to Assisi, home to St. Francis and St. Clare.  We then went to Siena, home to St. Catherine, to Florence, and then ended in Venice.  Throughout the time, we were greeted with beautifully sunny (and really warm) late summer days and nights, and it wasn’t until we were in Venice that we saw early morning cloudiness – which gave way in no time to glorious skies.  There was a palpable presence of God everywhere we went.  Every corner, every view, every window provided an amazing picture-postcard sight!  I can’t begin to describe what I saw and how I had to keep reminding myself that I was really walking the streets where Francis and Clare walked as youngsters, and that I was viewing the room where Catherine of Siena spent countless hours in prayer. And these type of experiences went on and on.  Like I wrote, I am just beginning to unpack this experience… How do I come down from The Mountaintop and go back to my regular life?

I think the answer is that I don’t.

It’s not because I stayed in fine hotels, drank wine at most every meal, and enjoyed days of gastronomical delicacies – it’s because I was hungering for more, before I left that makes it impossible to return to my regular life.  Because now I feel satiated.

The hunger I felt before I left home was for a deeper life with Christ, but I hadn’t been able to identify what it was exactly, until I recognized it on our trip.  I think I had become a little too complacent in my prayer life, on some days.  I think I walked around with my own self-assurance of God’s Love, but I wasn’t spending the time with God that I need and want in order to maintain that relationship.  How can I keep my love for God fresh and new when I don’t spend time with Jesus, or when I don’t listen for the Holy Spirit?

I will be starting The Spiritual Exercises again in two weeks.  This retreat in daily life changed my life forever, when I completed it two years ago, and it helped me with consolations to continue on the path that I walk today.  This time though I will be experiencing the Exercises in a group setting, rather than one-on-one with my spiritual director.  It will be a whole new way to learn Christ and to follow Him, and I hope it will create community for me as well.

I loved experiencing my pilgrimage to Italy in a community of strong Christians and with our two accompanying Franciscan friars.  We are not meant to be completely alone in our journeys – not necessarily – and not in the beginning.  It is good to have the fellowship of others, as we grow in our love of God and in our life of prayer.

I leave you today with this prayer that was recorded in one of the earliest documents about St. Francis, in the 1200s.  He spoke it before the cross of San Damiano in Assisi…

Most high and glorious God,

enlighten the darkness of my heart

and give me

truer faith,

more certain hope,

and perfect charity,

sense and knowledge of you,

so that I may carry out

your holy and true command

for my life.

From this Prayerful Heart to yours,

Pace e Bene – Peace and all Good!
💙